Saturday, June 17, 2006

heat, suffocation, and malaise

whoa... the title of this post is taking me back to days I'd rather not revisit...

but anyway, here's the scoop:
in waking up this morning I found a certain something lacking. the desire to live, one may say. (but not in any "i wish i was dead" sort of way. certainly not. just more of a "i don't want to put in the effort it takes to go find a piece of happiness" sort of way.

i find that in times like these it's not that life sucks, it's not that the world is somehow against me (*gasp* how dare I defy the teenage angst standby?!?), it is that I am simply unmotivated to search out and/or seize something that would carry me away from my feelings of malcontent.

basically, in these times, I've gotten tired of playing the game (and not "the game," which I have now lost, of course, but the game of life), and need a bit of a jumpstart.

my jumpstart came from Adam, who I called at noon his time (waking him up, of course). he listened to my mini-ranting about how I was feeling and then made me promise to go outside (and I will, I will. just let me get this post out. you know I can't do anything when I'm feeling the pull to post). thank you, darling; if you hadn't made me promise I might still be in bed right now... somehow that might be all I needed, just him telling me to go outside.

I was going to share with you, my readers, some of the thoughts I had while standing in the shower just a few minutes ago. but as I feel that I really ought to step into the light of day before too much more time passes, I will leave this to be continued later in the day.

farewell 4 now

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