heat, suffocation, and malaise pt2

Alright, so I'm feeling much better now. I went out and walked around the S40 a bit, bright tunes paving the way by way of my pocketed iPod (...what kind of product calls itself an iPod, anyway... but hell, they must have done something right...) Then, in preparation for my party-ish thing tonight (which I'm worried won't get off the ground much, as most people only said they "might" show), I walked down to Schnucks with a couple of friends to pick up provisions. Then we shuttled back to campus just in time for the BBQ that the summer session RAs organized for us. It was kind of a sad turn-out as it began raining right around the time the thing was starting, but we stopped by nonetheless, grabbed a free hot dog, and went about our merry ways. Thus I am back here in my room, contemplating my plans for the rest of the afternoon and thinking that I really ought to review the stuff we went over this week in my art history class.

But none of that is really the point of this post...
So yes, I left off in mentioning that I had had an interesting set of thoughts while in the shower earlier.
But before I pick up there- *runs to get a diet A&W Cream Soda (faaaaaaaaavorite)*- Ah diet cream soda, how I love thee...

oh...

yeah...

So after I was through with the actual bathing part of my shower, I slowly turned the single knob in the shower toward the "hot" end until I could not stand the water to be any hotter and then I just stood there allowing the
heat to envelop me (and give my skin a reddish glow). It's a great feeling to have hot water running down your body and to breathe in the warm steam. There's something very relaxing about breathing in steam... Though I've also found that it gives me the feeling of being slowly suffocated. I realized this after standing like that for only a minute or two, realized that I felt as if I wasn't quite getting the right amount of oxygen. But there was something satisfying about that as well and so I stayed like that for another 5 minutes or so, watching my skin take on that heated glow, breathing in the thick air, and just thinking.

I wonder why I'm comforted by something that reminds me of suffocation. I wonder why I enjoy making the water so hot I can only just handle it. I wonder at the lines between pain and pleasure, as I have before, and worry once more that I'm redrawing my personal lines in a way I may one day regret. I'd never really hurt myself... I'd think not anyway... but what happens if I lose sight of what helps and what hurts?

blaaaaaaaah

These are not thoughts I should dwell on much, I feel. But it just seemed.... interesting, so I thought I'd share.


just keep breathing, eh?
<3 all