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have a new boy

things are looking good

more info to come, methinks

TURTLE SEX!!!

In order to escape the craziness that was our apartment today, the residents of Chez Awesome ventured to the place where dreams coem true. Well... that is, if you dream about tons of animals all in one place to be stared at while they eat their rations. That's right, the St Louis Zoo.

It was the usual. Tons of kids at every turn, reminding us of how much we really don't want children. Animals sleeping. Animals eating. But, more importantly, animals having sex.

Tho I've visited the zoo many times since starting school at WashU, never had I witnessed animals actually getting it onfor all to see. Little did I know that one very persistant turtle would change all that.

All I can remember is the harsh grunt and the screech of shell against shell as the guy worked away. We were mesmerized. Could not look away. (Neither could the little girl next to us, who's father was taking a video of the event)

It was.... odd. But all I can say is you go, Turtle man, you go.

Flying Squirrel Attacks Gay Man on Pink Mini Scooter

Oh what to say, what to say.

Moved into an apartment close to campus.
Got a new tatoo (picture to come).
Finished my Sophomore year.
I'm going to study abroad in London this July.

Guess those are the big ones. But anyway... detailed accounts of my awesome adventures are likely to come in the furture. Just wanted to say that I'm still here and that I plan on picking the blog up again.


So.... to sum it up, Aarthi

-->

Awesome Song by Switchfoot

Faust, Midas, And Myself

This one's about a dream
I had last night
How an old man tracked me home
And stepped inside
He put his foot inside the door
And gave a crooked smile
Something in his eyes
Something in his laugh
Something in his voice
That made my skin crawl off

He said, "I've seen you here before
I know your name.
You could have your pick
Of pretty things.
You could have it all
Everything at once.
Everything you've seen,
Everything you'll need,
Everything you've ever had in fantasies."

"You've one life,
You've one life.
You've one life left to lead."

I woke up from my dream
As a golden man
With a girl I've never seen
With golden skin
I jumped up to my feet
She asked me what was wrong
I began to scream
I don't think this is me
Is this just a dream
Or really happening?

What direction?
What direction?
I'm splitting up!
I'm splitting up!
This is my personal disaffection

What direction? What direction?
What direction now?

I looked outside the glass
At golden shores
Golden ships and masts
With golden cords
As my reflection passed
I hated what I saw
My golden eyes were dead
And a thought passed through my head
A heart that is made of gold can't really beat at all

I wanted to wake up again
Without a touch of gold

What direction?
Death or action!
Life begins at the intersection.

I woke up as before
But the gold was gone
My wife was at the door
With her night robe on
My heart beat once or twice
And life flooded my veins
Everything had changed
My lungs had found their voice
And what was once routine
And what was once routine was now the perfect joy

You've one life
You've one life
One life left to lead

So, Just to Throw This Out There...

I am not monogamous. Most of my friends know this. If you did not know this, well then here it is.
So, with that out of the way...

How, in the space of one month, did I go from being involved with one person to being involved with four (maybe 5.... it's a little uncertain right now)? I mean, it's great. It can get complicated... but it's great. Really.

I guess I'm just concerned slightly with the sort of wrap people tend to get when they openly date more than one person. At least I'm open about it, right? Right.

Eh. Whatever.

In other news, the upcoming ALA meeting should frickin' rock like nothing else. If you ever make it to a single meeting, make it to this one. I believe edge play and flogging are on the agenda. *happy dance*

One other thing.... LOOK AT THESE FRICKIN' AWESOME PICTURES OF THE MAKE-UP I DID FOR A PLAY I WAS IN THIS PAST WEEKEND!!!!!




Rock on, all.

Brendan

This is Brendan in the background here. If you don't really know me and/or know about Brendan, this will mean nothing to you, but the mise-en-scene of this photo says a WHOLE lot about the relationship we have.

And that's pretty much it.
Bye now!

My 20th Birthday

That's right, you guys. As of yesterday, I am no longer a teenager.

I started the day at Kurt's apartment after spending the night, but could not stay with him long. There were things to be done, and little did I know just how many things there were going to be.

Kenzie picked me up from Webster Groves and we headed out to the mall where we trolled, as has become our style. After that, it was to PF Chang's, where we staked out places at the bar, flirted with a cute bartender we'd met the last time we were there, and convinced the staff that it was my 22nd birthday (rather than my 20th). As it stood, we got 5 free drinks between us and a free dessert. From there, it was back to Kenzie's so she could change, and then to my party at my place (which I ended up being an hour late to).

So, the good:
A fair number of people showed up and seemed to have a good time.
Adam was there.
Adam wore a dress.
Kurt was there.
I got to kiss Kenzie (for the third or fourth time that night).
And I got to make out with Ariel for while (for the first time ever). See, look, photographic evidence! ->



And, the bad:
Tho I'm not comfortable saying how, I ended up hurting Kurt's feelings. (Which I really hate.) And no, it does not have anything to do with kissing Kenzie or Ariel.


The good outweighs the bad in quantity, but in quality, it's feeling the opposite...

Le sigh.


Until next time, all, remember always to live, love, and laugh fully.

Kurt

Kurt. The newest person in my life. ^_^
We met through Kenzie (the soon-to-be-roommate) and after, as he puts it, he convinced me to like him, we hit it off pretty well.
I just really really enjoy spending time with him.
Yay. ^_^

I realize the last time I mentioned a guy of romantic interest on the blog (last April??) I was very giddy about it and whatnot. I think, though, that that came from feeling so insecure about how that guy felt about me. It was kind of exciting in a way, but always left me worried. In this case, I just feel really comfortable. It's a lot less tiring, I'll tell you that.

I sigh contentedly and leave it at that.

Carry on my dear friends.
Live. Love. Be. Believe.

I Should Start Real Posts Again....oh well, maybe later

1- I love how studying for a test has become simply doing all the reading and/or problem sets I've been putting off

2- I'm glad civil disobedience is over

3- Got put in the alternate pool for RA

4- Decided to move off campus and live with Kenzie starting this summer and through the next school year

5- I love it when professors like me when I'm not even trying that hard in their class (yes, I admit it happens)

6- Got a part in this year's Thyrsus site-specific play

7- SAFFRON!!!!!

8- Staying in St. Louis for Spring Break. (Mom keeps telling people I'm never coming home...)



That's pretty much it.

Kitten Doom

Oh, I love this so much.

Cats meet Invader Zim. PERFECTION!!

Bugs Bunny War Bond Drive WW2 Cartoon

That's just somethin' else, eh doc?

Cotton Eye Joe

beatboxing flute, super mario brothers

Thinking of you, dad. ^_^

One Of The Best Shopping Lists Ever

This evening I walked through the snow, to Walgreens, with Ariel so that she could get Valentine's chocolates and I could get the following:

-> One Box Trojan Ultra Thins
-> Two Pairs Fuzzy Striped Socks


I've hardly ever been happier with a single shopping trip.
It has made my day. ^_^

Look, socks!!



Ps, it's snowy here.



Pps, I LOVE MY STUPID DOES-NOTHING PHOTO EDITOR!!!


And that is all.

I Heart Gir

I'm gonna sing the doom song now!!

SELF INDULGENCE

Ok... so I'm just weird... and self indulgent
But so I was looking at some of my older FB pictures and I'm interested by the changes over time
Share in the experience, my dear friends, and look along


Feb/Mar (ish) 2004


April 2005


January 2006


November 2006


February 2007

It's especially weird to look at the first and last one next to each other. Trippy.

Well, goodnight, all.

R.A.

Soooooo, I actually haven't mentioned this on the blog, but I'm looking to become an RA for next Fall. Just got done with my interview, in fact. It seemed to go well, I think, but I suppose I'll know on the 28th, when I go to ResLife and pick up my letter. They will either say I've been hired, put on a reserve list, or that they are not interested in me at all as an RA. I really want to do this. It'll mean a lot of changes, sure, but I'm up for it.

On a totally different note, I cut my hair over winter break, pictured below. (yes, once again I cut off most of my hair during a time when it's really cold. i know i know. sh!) And I moved into a single room, also pictured below.

Woohoo! Looky!




And I'm done.

Student Health = Cash Pit

Ok, so maybe not so much. Especially since it's kind of possible that Student Health may have saved my life recently.

The point is, I'm spending frickin tons of money there lately. As it stands, I currently have three upcoming appointments there. One for follow-up from my surgery (which seemed to go well, btw). Another for some sort of check-up to get my next birth control prescription. And yet another to meet with the university dietitian (cause even though I'm about 50 pounds lighter than I was three years ago, my weight is still a potential future problem).

Ok. Can I just take one second to say how much that annoys me?? It's no walk in the park to loose fifty pounds and pretty much maintain that. But that doesn't even matter. When people look at me, all they see is another fat chick who obviously overeats and never gets of her ass enough. It's such a trip, cause every time I go home and see people who knew me in high school, they all compliment me on how good I look and on how much weight I lost, etc etc. But then I get back to school where everyone only knows me as I am at my current weight, and it's totally gone and I'm just the fat kid again.

Alright, alright, I never feel like just the fat kid. My sense of self is way better than that. But you understand what I'm getting at.

Oy. But I made the appointment, and it should do me some good (which is all that matters).

But yes, to add to all that, I'm still playing with the idea of going in for a counseling appointment. Cause let's face it, I have some issues. And hey, the first however many are free, so that's good.

Hopefully all of this is doing me good, and I believe that it is.



Oh, and here's my hospital bracelet. ('Cause I'm weird and keep such things.)




Well... I don't know where to go with that, except that I should do productive things now....
Wheeeeeeeee!!!

Aw, I Miss My Cat

Ariel just sent me this web comic.

Stick a Toothpick in Them Already

When I walk out into my common room at 1:45AM on a Sunday night and the first thing I notice is the distinctly strong smell of what the guys down the hall are smoking (for, indeed, I followed the scent as it grew ever stronger down the hall and to a closed door from which moderately-volumed music seemed to emanate) I have only two thoughts. 1, who the hell smokes that much on a Sunday night? 2, how is it that none of these people ever seem to get caught?

Thus goes it.

And now I will nap. SOOOOOO tired. Bye now.

Cut It Out

February 2nd, I'll arrive at Missouri Baptist hospital at 5:30am and check in on the second floor of the main building for my 7:30am surgery.

LEEP - Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure

LEEP uses a thin wire loop electrode which is attached to an electrosurgical generator. The generator transmits an electrical current that quickly cuts away the affected cervical tissue in the immediate area of the loop wire. This causes the abnormal cells to rapidly heat and burst, and separates the tissue as the loop wire moves through the cervix.

It's this or risk developing cervical cancer. Yeah... as if that's a choice.

Emergency Pants

If you've read my FB profile, you understand.

frequency modulation

Don't pay attention to the title. It's just the term currently stuck in my head. I think I liked it better when I had "plenary remission" stuck in my head, tho.

I don't really have time to post. The ball that is the show I'm stage managing is starting to roll and if I'm not well balanced, it might roll right over me.

Just wanted to put something out there.

Hm... my mom might be starting chemo soon. Oy. All prayers and/or vibes of good will are welcome.

Good luck in this new year, all.

Going Home in A Matter of Hours

I don't remember the last time I slept more than three hours at a time. I haven't had a night's sleep in days. Only three hour naps (if that).

But really, the point of this post is to share one thing with you all. In reviewing my final score for social pysch (90.01%) as listed in Telesis by my student ID number, I noticed something very strange. One student, let's call this person 389828, ended up with a final score of 101.25%. That's right, my friends, one and a quarter percentage points higher than perfect.

Such people should be shot.

Sure, Call It An Adventure

Day: Sunday
Time: 5:00 ish
Goal: Buy some food to last me until friday and a string of 100 twinkle lights
Main Conflict: I left my wallet on the Metro bus when I got off at Wal-Mart and did not realized this until I tried to pay for the stuff I was getting. Luckily Aarthi was there to cover the cost.
The Adventure: First thing I do is call my Dad to tell him what happened and ask him what I need to do about the fact that my debit card was in my wallet, and what to do about ID when I go to the airport on friday because my driver's license was also in there.
Etc.
Me and Aarthi hop on the next Red line and tell the driver that I left my wallet on the bus earlier. Luckily she lets me ride sans payment and contacts the other drivers, telling them to be on the lookout for my wallet. Pink. Says Washingtom University on it. Couple minutes later we hear back that some passenger had turned in a wallet to one of the drivers and he was taking it to the lost and found at the Metro garage at the end of his shift.
Fact about me: I HATE having something unresolved looming over my thoughts. As such, I was going to the garage that night to get my wallet back. At this point it's around 7.
So, we take the Red line to the stop next to the Delmar metrolink stop (which is kinda sketchy, but that's another story). Then we wait for a few minutes and catch the 91 to DeBaliviere, where the garage is.
We go in, I get my wallet from the lost and found, and I ask the guy what's the best way to get back to WashU. At this point the driver who just dropped us off comes in and has my phone. Evidently I'd left it on the bus. So I sorta fail at life. He offers to drive us back to the Delmar stop.
So we get there, Wal-Mart bags still in tow, and decide we're tired of the busses. We head down to the link stop, figure out we need to get to the Forest Park station then switch to the Shrewsberry train to get to Big Bend.
It must have been after 8 when we got home, but we were alive and nothing was missing from my wallet, so huzzah, yeah?

STICK WARS!!!!

Bwa-ha-ha!!! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! BWAAAAA-HAAA-HAAAA- *coughing fit*

...ok... I'm done

95.5 Gems Per Minute

95.5 gems per minute.

95.5 GEMS PER MINTUE

It's 2:30 in the morning and I need to finish up a paper and maybe catch a bit of sleep and evidently I'm more concerned with the fact that I just finished a game of Bejeweled in which I had an average clearance rate of 95.5 gems per minute.

Go figure.

Short Sleeves

What the f*ck? It's 60 degrees outside. People are walking around in short sleeves. It feels like spring. IT'S DECEMBER, PEOPLE!! A week ago it was 15 out, something like 6 with wind chill. And now?

Ugh...


Anyway, in life news: I don't know that I've mentioned this, but I'm stage managing a play that is going into rehearsal as soon as winter break is over. So that's great. Had a read thru this morning and all seems to be going well. I'm a little weirded that I'm going to have to organize and be in charge of production meetings... but I'm sure I'll be fine once I get my feet wet. The funny thing I've found with my personality is that I very rarely take power, but then when it's given to me, I pretty much like running with it.

Other news: Partied. Slept. Hung out. Slept. Now I have to get down to work. A, so I can pass everything. B, so I can party some more before I'm back at home again. I love being near my parents. Really. And seeing other family members. But come on... how can I love going back to Conroe after living in St. Louis? It makes me miss Houston.

Well, I'm gonna go bury my watch in a drawer (the ticking is driving me nuts) and then work on my final World Cinema paper. Speaking of which, that class didn't turn out to be as aimless as I feared. I wouldn't tell someone to go out of their way to take it. Hell no. But I wouldn't stop them either.


Bonne Chance, mes amis!

28 Days

So what's with the idea that a woman's cycle is supposed to be 28 days? A length of time which happens to correspond to an even 4 weeks? I know my natural cycle can be anywhere from around 30 to full 43 days. And what of it? It's never caused me any problems.

However, those days are no more. Starting very soon I will be hormonally regulated. A crisp 28 day routine mapped out in neat rows of pink and white. Mapped to the hour. God forbid you miss a dose. I feel anxious about such a thing, to take a purposeful, external hand to my natural state. I fear what it could end up doing to my body. And yet, the dangers of continuing to refuse this safety net now worry me even more. I can no longer take such a risk.




Oy, I'm so dramatic.

Avenue Q meets Fiddler on the Roof in: Everyone's a Little Bit Jewish

Random Call of the Month

And the award for most random call of the month goes to...

(drum roll please)

Greg Galloway!!! *thunderous applause*


...


But seriously? What??

Matrix Ping Pong

Dreams

My dreams have been kind of violent lately, and all the violence has been against me. And it's not even the, "Oh crap I'm fighting this huge monster like in Zelda" kind of violence (which I've dreamed in the past). But more of, "Holy sh!t, this person wants to beat me down just becasue they know they can" kind of violence.

These dreams are filled with people I know. They are people from my life but, in the dream, are playing other roles, which is always interesting. Those people never act violently against me, but they do stand by and watch it happen, sometimes with sickeningly sympathetic looks on their faces.

The other noteworthy thing about these dreams is that my age and sex seems to be subject to change at any time. It's a little different.

Do You Know Who I Am

The Tastiest Fundraiser Ever

You like to help people. You like eating ice cream. You want to escape from campus and finals preparation.
You know at least one of these is true. So, Read this!!


Thursday, November 30th
7-10pm

Ben & Jerry’s will donate
20% of all sales
To the ALA

Ben & Jerry’s is on the Delmar Loop at
6380 Delmar Blvd
University City, MO 36130
(Just West of the Tivoli Theatre)

Check out the Facebook event page at
This Cool Link Here


For more information please contact us in one of the following ways:

Website:
AltLife.wustl.edu

E-Mail:
AltLife@sugroups.wustl.edu

AIM: WashUAltLife

Balls of Fluff and Silence

Monday, November 20
Location: Wal-Mart

Row upon row of balls of fluff. Twisted fibers wrapped around themselves and appearing in every color imaginable. They are given names like Berry, Midnight, Barely Pink, and Garnet. The final choice, however, comes down to touch. Only the softest will do for this project. Baby Clouds


Tuesday, November 21
Location: WashU

The other students slowly sift away, returning to their respective homes, families, and celebrations. She feels for a moment as if she has been left behind, forgotten. She sits on the edge of her bed and listens intently to the growing silence, her beloved teddy bear held close.



I go home tomorrow morning. Yay!

Image Dump

First a little life business, then the images.

Ok, so, some of you may remember the mention of an unnamed freshman guy I said I had "acquired" in early September. I actually deleted the only post in which I mentioned him (for an unrelated reason), so even a semi-frequent reader may have missed it.

I saw it as a very temporary situation, perhaps a rebound after my last break-up. I was surprised as all hell when he got my number off of FB and called me after our first night together. And even after that, you know, I ordered the kid around, treated him with a tad bit of disdain (so shoot me, it was therapeutic, dammit); hell, I figured he'd get fed up and stop coming back. Now, getting close to three months later, I guess that's not entirely the case.

Don't get the wrong idea. It's still very much a casual thing. It's just... not a nothing thing anymore.

The point is, his name is Brendan. I just figured he deserved to be named here on the BcL, you know? So there it is.


Tuesday, November 14
Location: Olin Library

Dammit, I can't remember his name. I can see him, sitting there in the Ruby computer lab that night I finally asked what his name was. He told me and I swear I intended to remember. I can remember the length of his hair, the place he was sitting in the room, the look of the laptop he was working on alongside me at 1 or 2 in the morning and yet for all of that...

I smile and enjoy the conversation. And I laugh, while a seed of guilt sits heavily in my stomach.


Wednesday, November 15
Location: Hurd 44 Balcony

Laptop open and abandoned behind me, I step out into the wind. I shiver and shake as the frigid air lifts my curls and freezes my fingertips. I will go inside soon, back to the warmth and a half-written paper, but for now, I am flying.


Thursday, November 16
Location: Hurd Kitchen

The smell of apples, all spice, and chocolate chips blends and makes its way up the staircase. It's times like these that I love college, that I love life. It's so amazingly simple, and the pleasure I get from it flies in the face of the somewhat habitually cynical attitudes I indulge in.

I take a sip of hot cider and this, too, melts away.


Friday, November 17
Location: Performing Arts Department Lounge

Dada theatre. Nonsense words. Adore. Randomality. Stage. Protest. War. Shit. Circus. Screams and laughs and an epiphany or two. We plan, play and let go of convention. We are liberated.

Lamplighters.


Saturday, November 18
Location: Hurd 442

We stood in the middle of the room, lit by stained-glass light bulbs and the glowstick still hanging around my neck. It seems so tacky in retrospect. So... college. But in the moment, it didn't bother me. We'd left the oppressive crowd behind and had found our own evening entertainment. Something that thankfully didn't involve fighting for room to breath.

I closed my eyes and leaned against him, losing myself in the warmth of his touch.
This was what the night was all about, the very reason he'd even agreed to step foot into Lopata Gallery. An exchange.


Sunday, November 19
Location: Grass outside Hurd

Searching, flashlight in hand. Please please PLEASE let it be here. We comb the area as much as we can stand, hoping for luck or a tiny miracle. Hoping to see the glint of a key hiding in the darkness between dead leaves and blades of grass. But alas, the universe fails us and hope is somewhat lost. Tomorrow, I tell myself. All I can do is count on tomorrow.


I'm not nearly as happy with these as I have been with some of my others. Bleh...

Catch Up

Friday, November 10
Location: Meredith Rettner's B-Day on U Drive

I dance and I flit about (if such a thing is even possible) and I just don't care so much anymore. I don't care so much if I look foolish. I don't care so much if their smiles are only a facade of polite civility. I'm having fun and I have true friends close by.

The release was something I could feel through my whole being, as if weights had been removed from each of my limbs and from my mind most of all. I felt physically lighter, freed from bonds that usually keep me tied to a very aware and constrained self.

Saturday, November 11
Location: Bauhaus, Givens

I don't know why I'm here. Because I said I would be? How lame. But here I am all the same, standing on the edge of a crowd I just can't stand to be a part of anymore. It's too much: the heat, body against occasionally unwilling body, as the bass pulses within my veins.

As I search for familiar faces, the lights and colors swirl and my stomach turns. I'd rather be at home.

Sunday, November 12
Location: Eliot, This Past Summer

That morning around six or so, I woke up and got out of bed, unwilling to sleep away the last hours we had together. I put on some piano music, Moonlight Sonata, and sat at my desk for some time, watching him as he slept. I think I loved him in that moment, as he lay there between my sheets.

I suppose I had hoped he'd open his eyes, find me sitting there, and invite me back to bed in a voice that would say "I just want to be close to you. More than anything, I just want one more hour wrapped in your arms." But he never said such a thing. Perhaps he did open his eyes and look at me once, though it's hard to tell if I'm remembering that right, but if he did, he never spoke a word.

Monday, November 13
Location: My Head

I tossed and turned on every third quarter hour, determined to regain some lost sleep. Each time I would turn, I would be somewhat aware that I was in bed, that I still clutched my cell phone in my left hand, and that I would need to head off to the library some time soon. Yet, simultaneously, a dream logic seemed to rule over these points and make them hazy.

There was some reason that I wasn't leaving my room. I had to stay there because of a radio broadcast. I couldn't go now; it was important that I stay and voice my role.

They were calling me back into the shower with them as steam rose in curls and their naked bodies glistened invitingly. Come back to where it's warm.

She needed to talk to me and it couldn't wait. I was supposed to have taken care of all this already. Stupid girl, don't you plan ahead? You've got to keep on top of these things.

And so it continued as hours passed and the world grew dark outside my window.

Just So You Know

Let me tell you. I'm tired as all hell. My feet hurt like crazy from the shoes I wore today/tonight and spent hours dancing in. I'm freaking dehydrated as f*ck. But you know what?

Life...

Life, my dear friends,

Is good.



For some reason, party-hopping with friends tends to lead me to this conclusion. And it is good.
Except... I kinda gave my number to an awkward sketchy guy. Huh... I wonder if I can get away with telling him that I'm considering being a lesbian... Worth a shot.

Location: Hurd, Suite 44, Balcony

Like pyromaniacs to a flame, we flock toward the sounds of music and partying. I, too, feel the pull from my perch a couple floors or so up. I want to go down. Consider going. But I stay on my balcony, steadfast. Plenty of time for that this weekend, I think to myself, a half-hearted smile on my face. I head back through the sliding glass doors and towards my room, allowing the tantalizing beat to fade and be forgotten.

::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::-::

Come See Thyrsus's Radio Plays This Weekend!!

Village Theatre
Fri & Sat @ 8PM
Sun @ 7PM

Tickets are $5 at the door or in Mallinckrodt.

Two authentic 1940's radio plays will be performed and recorded for later broadcasting on KWUR. It's HILARIOUS, trust me.
I play the voice of Tommy, a young boy who's mother "can't love him," and Miss Todd, his social worker. Check out the FB event page here.

Location: An Armchair Near a Window at Starbucks

The sun returned today to shine down on us and put a new spring in our step. I sit nursing my grande maple frappuchino and see things as I've failed to see them for some time now. It is as if the sun has given the air a crystal-clear quality, allowing me to see the life and activity that was previously veiled by an overcast sky.

/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~
So, evidently I'm going to Bauhaus this weekend. Are you gonna be there??

/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~
My next story for fiction writing seems to involve a telepathic nine year old boy who's been the subject of laboratory experiments since he was four and no longer actively remembers the outside world EXCEPT that there is something inside of him that remembers and manifests itself as another little boy that only my character can see/hear. I only came up with that last night (after sitting around for an hour or two, unable to come up with anything compelling) and I have almost no idea where I'm going with it, but there you go.

My first story was about a young woman, a college junior, who cheats on her girlfriend, who, by the way, graduated from the same college in the spring before my story takes place and now lives in another city. Distance is harsh. If that's not bad enough, she cheats on her girlfriend with a man, ends up having drunken unprotected sex, and is worried that she might now be pregnant. The girlfriend shows up the very day that my character has bought a pregnancy test to confirm or deny her fears. Ooh, the drama.

Image of the Day

The vibrant reds and yellows will fade, leaving only a dead brown. I see it starting now, as we move through fall, waiting to stumble upon winter, when all is laid bare in the renewal that will one day become spring. It seems that we can never settle properly into one season before the next catches up with us.


<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->


And now for something completely different!

Quote for the day from Lori to me:
"How are you NOT a heathen?!"

That's all there is.
There isn't (2 beats) anymore.

Image Journal

My fiction writing professor had us start image journals. Every Day we have to record an image, starting October 27, through the end of the semester.

I figure I would post my images here, so here's what I've got so far. Be warned that these are spur-of-the-moment sorts of things and may or may not suck (which is kind of like my blog in general, so yay).

Friday, October 27
A single feather falls from the shadows where I know the red curtain to be hiding, waiting for its moment to shine once more, telling everyone the show's over. Elegance in its velvety folds. I watch the feather as it drifts slowly to the stage floor, a soft white against the browns and yellows that have been brushed so carefully across the floor.

Saturday, October 28
My mother smiles for the pictures, her face wrinkling in all the places I know she hates. The corners of her eyes. The corners of her mouth. And of course, her eyes are almost lost in heavy lids and full cheeks. She will hate the picture. She always hates the pictures.

Sunday, October 29
I approach the mirror, knowing what I will find, but fascinated all the same. Red eyes, cheeks flushed, and a shiny trail from the single tear I'd let fall. I trace the trail with my eyes, my face now smooth, observing. I lick my lips, tasting the salt, and meet my own gaze in the mirror, reddened eye to reddened eye. I think for a second of reaching out to the lonely girl I've found there, but I know I'll only find cold glass at my fingertips.

Monday, October 30
I can't even breathe in moments like this. I see him and I'm automatically so conflicted. A moment's glance or a painfully awkward smile that wrinkles his face and makes me despise him that much more.
I want to hate him.
Nothing good will come of this.
He passes and I look away as if his existence isn't worth noticing. But I turn and stare him down once his back is to me, caught in an inability to just forget, to not take noticed. I revel in the passion of something close to hate for a moment or two, but as my heart slows, I can only feel the regrets, deep and murky, polluting the clear air and sky around me.

Tuesday, October 31
Crisp white against the clear blue of a chilly fall morning. The sky calls to happier days of carefree play and I smile at the memories. The wind blows and I wrap my arms around myself. Close. Tight.

Wednesday, November 1
My eyes open and darkness surrounds me. I suddenly realize where I am. Realize I ought to be home. As my heart pounds with the anxiety of a college student who's academic career suddenly seems at stake, I sit up straight. Why didn't he wake me? I have homework to do, things I was supposed to get done. I glance at the clock. Too late. I'm stuck for the night.

Thursday, November 2
I see the disappointment in her face as it slackens and hangs in that melancholy way. She is disappointed in herself, which I know is the hardest thing. I tell her it's not so bad, assure her that she's overreacting, but as I pull out of our hug, I see the tears glistening in her eyes and can see how hard she's trying to keep her cool. I'm helpless and so I offer another hug, knowing it makes little difference.

Friday, November 3
It's odd to observe campus life just prior to and during between-class breaks. There's this magnificent peace that settles for a time, as an occasional tour passes with shuffling feet, and the majority of students are stuck within the confines of their respective classes.
Seemingly at once, a new chaos is birthed and our beloved grounds are flooded with humanity. They chatter and rush about, making plans for lunch, for dinner, for the weekend. And at least one of these tends to involve sex or alcohol or some combination of the two.
I sit passively by, resenting them for intruding on my solitary world of nature and internal monologue. And yet... they are interesting to watch and observe.
Of course, the disappointing part comes when I realize that I'm of the same kind and just another among the crowd.

Saturday, November 4
I know it's over and I know I must let him go for the night, allowing him to return to his room, where I'm sure he'll hop on WoW and play for a few hours before he gives in to sleep. I'm always drawn to gamers. This occurs to me as I steal one last kiss and send him on his way. As he passes through the doorway, I return to my bed and consider him. I'm slightly put off by the very existence of this game and by its influence on this guy who I'd prefer to be under my influence.
Perhaps he's more trouble than he's worth.
I know I don't believe that, but I keep the thought in my mind as a safeguard against romanticizing our relationship. Lord knows I don't need that again. Not right now. Not this guy.

Sunday, November 5
I sit and am silent as conversation passes across and through my person. My companions attempt to include me, asking me questions, prompting me to throw in my two cents, and though I reply to all of this, I still remain quiet, observing. I hope they are not put off by this, as I've found so many are, but I am simply inclined to observe. I listen as they speak, taking interest and filing away bits of information for later use. I am a pair of ears and an attentive mind, speaking only when I actually have something to say. Novel concept, huh?

Monday, November 6
The world slips in and out of focus as my head throbs dully and begs me to go to sleep. Two hours simply is not enough. It's practically screaming at me. But there are things to be done.

Notes For The Day

My most recent ex is still an ass and I still cannot fully overlook his actions (no matter how he justifies himself and perhaps becasue of the way he justifies himself), but I will be civil and I will be nice and I will try to make things work to whatever degree possible.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Communication is key. A note for all my sisters.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

There is a girl who lives in the room that has a window directly across from mine that seems to like walking around in a semi- or fully naked state with the blinds open.

Um....

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Fiddler is going well and still has one more weekend of shows left. Buy your tickets before they sell out.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

There are giant holes on campus. This makes me unhappy.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I want to sleep more.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I want to put life on pause.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I've developed a rain cloud over my head that keeps blotting out the sun.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I love my parents. Lots.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

And that's pretty much it for now.
Live well.

Elements of the Past

I found this when sifting through my old MySpace blogs. This is from over a year ago and it's so weird to read it now and think about how important it all seemed and how much I really felt the things I had written. Now it's almost as if it all happened to someone else, as if I'd only read about it in a book.


Thursday, July 07, 2005


A Lonely Tear


I breathe your name into the northerly winds,

and though the sound is stolen from my lips,

I fret not.



For I know that same wind

will caress your very face this night as you lie out under the stars,

contemplating your escape.



And so my heart will reach out to yours

in those shared stars

and in that northerly wind,

and when a lonely tear falls from your eye,

it will be my hand that brushes it away

and my voice that calms your torrential emotions.



For I am yours and you are mine.



And though it may appear

we have been ripped apart,

the truth of our souls shall disprove it.



We are one in the very core of our beings.

One will never exist without the other.



So it has been since before time first ticked,

and so it shall be until all things are ended.

And so it shall be.

Playlist and Random Post-Script

I think I'm going to try and put up a monthly playlist. That is, songs that I have been listening to a lot within the preceding month. So yay; here's October. (Title ~ Artist ~ Album)

1. Cool Blue Reason ~ Cake ~ Prolonging the Magic
2. Pop Song 89 ~ Motion City Soundtrack ~ Punk Goes 80's
3. Happy Endings ~ The All-American Rejects ~ The All-American Rejects
4. I Melt With You ~ SUGARCULT ~ Punk Goes 80's
5. Such Great Heights (Remix by John Tejada) ~ The Postal Service ~ The District Sleeps Alone Tonight - EP
6. The Power of Love ~ Huey Lewis & The News ~ Greatest Hits: Huey Lewis & the News
7. Let's Pretend ~ No Fi Soul Rebellion ~ Let's Pretend - Single
8. Holding Out for a Hero ~ Frou Frou ~ Shrek 2 (Soundtrack from the Motion Picture)
9. Video Killed the Radio Star ~ The Buggles ~The Age of Plastic
10. I Melt With You ~ Bowling for Soup ~ Bowling for Soup Goes to the Movies
11. Why Worry ~ The All-American Rejects ~ The All-American Rejects
12. You Spin Me Round ~ Dead or Alive ~ Evolution: the Hits
13. Your Love ~ The Outfield ~ The Outfield: Super Hits
14. Invisible Monsters ~ Motion City Soundtrack ~ Commit This to Memory (Deluxe Edition)
15. Underwater ~ Switchfoot ~ The Legend of Chin
16. Nothing Better (Styrofoam Remix) ~ The Postal Service ~ We Will Become Silhouettes - EP
17. Forever Young ~ Rod Stewart ~ The Very Best of Rod Stewart
18. You Spin Me Round (Radio Version) ~ Dandoo ~ You Spin Me Round - EP
19. I Melt with You ~ Modern English ~ The Best of '80s Pop: Party Songs
20. 99 Red Balloons ~ Siobhan DuVall ~ STAR
21. Modern Chemistry ~ Motion City Soundtrack ~ I Am The Movie
22. Power of Love ~ The Early November ~ Punk Goes 80's
23. Resolution ~ Motion City Soundtrack ~ Commit This to Memory
24. 99 Luftballons ~ Stefanie Praytor ~ Sugar Storm
25. Gotta Have You ~ The Weepies ~ Say I Am You

I might never do this again... but we'll see.

So yes, the post-script:
My name does not, in fact, by virtue of its spelling, reference any form of precipitation. If anything, it references mysticism or some such. So there.

how I'm doing

How am I doing, you ask??

I just spent about 28 out of the last 48 hours in a theatre doing tech for Fiddler on the Roof.

How do you think I'm doing?

I'm so stressed out right now it's not even f*cking funny.

Just need to survive this week... and keep breathing. Breathing is good.

Thoughts on Sunday, October 15

On Charlotte
First, I laugh at the heading.
^_^
Ok, I'm done.
Second, I met Charlotte Friday night at TKE. She seems cool and I give her two thumbs up. I do, however, feel a little embarrassed that I shamelessly made out with her in the middle of the TKE dance floor... with three of my Mu Phi Gamma sisters not but a foot or so away... It was tasteless on my part, and I apologize. Oy...
But at least I had a good time...?
Oh yeah! And she plays guitar, so she gets an automatic 20 points. Like, fucking hell, that's hot. That's assuming, of course, that she plays well; I only know that she plays.

On The Autism Walk
I got out of bed at 8 o'clock on Saturday, braved the 40 degree weather, and participated in the Autism Walk with four other Mu Phi Gammas. There was plenty of free food and drink and it was charitable, so it's good.
The best part of the walk, however was when one of my MPG sisters, Beth, posed the following question, "If there's drunk and not-drunk = sober, then what's not-high? Cause you can't say clean, cause then people think you've recently bathed, or that you haven't gotten a venereal disease in the last two months. So how do I describe the situation for where I'm drunk, with a venereal disease, but not high??"

On MPG At Beta 4Square
We suck... and that's kinda all there is to it. Most members of our two teams had never even played 4square before, and one of our members has a broken foot. Maybe this should excuse our failure... maybe. Either way, both of our teams lost all three games each played today. Sadness.

On Writing
I used to be prolific writer, but now... I just can't for the life of me sit down and write a story. WTF? School has destroyed me.

On Wet Paint
I walked through the underpass on the way back from Beta 4Square at the AC and smelled the old familliar smell of wet paint. I quickly realized that the smell reminded me of high school (specifically of painting sets in the school theatre on Saturday). And it reminds me of my old friends, the drama group. That is to say, the group of people that always got cast in every show, those of us who hardly knew what to do with ourselves when, for the short time between shows, we didn't have rehearsal after school. I feel like it was all so much simpler then.
Hahaha. And all that from paint fumes!



I should try to work on my story before my MPG formal chapter meeting. Le sigh. Rock on, all.

a step finally taken

Text message after text message after text message and I just don't care anymore. Honestly, I don't care what she has to say, I don't care about what guy she's cheating on her husband with, I don't care that she thinks she's fallen in love with that guy, and I almost particularly don't care that she keeps telling me that she loves me, that she misses me, that she misses the days when she and I were a couple.

Well maybe if you hadn't kept leaving me for the next guy that came along to 'steal your heart away'...

She always came back. Always ended up needing me in one way or another. And I was always willing to take her back. Willing to convince myself that I wanted her back. And maybe it was true the first couple times or so... but at some point...

blah

I do feel a little bad, thinking that I've hurt her. But I'd just gotten so fed up with it over this last year and I had to be honest, had to do what I knew I needed to do.

This afternoon (never mind where the conversation began) I told her that I felt we had grown apart, told her I didn't like who she'd become, told her that basically our friendship (or whatever the hell it was) had been dying and I had no interest in saving it. Perhaps it's a bit harsh, but it's true.

It's a big step for me. I felt the slight tug at my heartstrings as she continued to send me messages, telling me she loved me, begging me not to "break her heart and shatter her world," swearing that she could change and make it right. And there it was, the impulse to comfort, my inclination to once more sacrifice a bit of myself for her sake. But I let it be.

I had let go of the idea of her long ago and finally, today, I was able to cut myself loose from her. Now I need only stand my ground.

I hope she finds her way... I just can't keep filling my old role; I don't have it in me to do anymore.

They Are Not Long

They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,
Love and desire and hate:
I think they have no portion in us after
We pass the gate.

They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for awhile, then closes
Within a dream.

-Ernest Dowson (1867-1900)

random note

there's this girl in my film class who keeps catching my eye

I'm not sure what it is about her, but I keep noticing her. can't help but notice her.

I don't know anything about her, even her name, and I think I'll keep it that way


hm... I think it's kinda interesting that she's blonde when not but 7 months ago I'd have told you that blonde is not at all my thing. eh, tastes change.

The Greatest Gift

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

-1 Corinthians 13

Just Another Side

It comes to me in waves and I just get tired of people. Dealing with them, working around them, through them, saying and hearing things I know come by rote. Practice makes perfect and that one's a champ. It's all in the head, though our hearts attempt to lay claim on a corner or two. Meaningless air.

I get tired of being known. Recognized. And the one-sided hide-and-seek that goes on though I've simply grown weary of looking. Terrible, though, is my eyes still find old targets. Usually before I can even realize what I've seen.

Look away.
I'm not the one who started this game.

It would be better if not a one of them knew me.

But that's only this wave. With the next I'll feel differently again. Blessing or curse, I find myself forever in motion.

You know, it's still strange to me when people I know stop to ask me about what's going on in my life. I can never believe they could care so much as their words would suggest. It's the sentiment, and I'm unimpressed. Grease between the cogs of social mechanics... Well I'm about ready to drop the whole machine from the rooftop of Hurd.

I feel a little bad.

So often people ask me one of those grease questions, performing an act of social nicety, and too often all I can bring myself to is a non-committal answer and no thought to returning the question. I don't know if I'm apathetic only because I believe they truly are, or if I believe they're apathetic only because I truly am. One of these must be true.

Sometimes I pretend to care even when I don't. But I quickly grow weary of that. It's better to just walk away. It's better that I truly care.

And with that, my laundry's done.
Good night all.

cause you care so much

Here are my top 10 most listened to songs on my iTunes
(Title, Artist, Play Count)

10. Flood, Jars of Clay, 120
9. Holiday, Green Day, 121
8. The Hell Song, Sum 41, 122
7. Life After Death & Taxes, Relient K, 122
6. Nothing Better, The Postal Service, 125
5. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight, The Postal Service, 128
4. Dance Inside, The All-American Rejects, 129
3. Be Still My Heart, The Postal Service, 141
2. Such Great Hights, The Postal Service, 160
1. Summer Overtune, Clint Mansell, 164

Me As A Childas told by my mother

Evidently my mom often used to find me playing alone,

in my closet,

with the door closed,

and the light off.


And that was when she wasn't finding me the same way in the pots and pans cupboard.


Evidently I most enjoyed myself when alone in small, dark spaces...
Dude, I'm weird.



On a completely unrelated note, organic toaster pastries officially rock my socks.

That's pretty much it.

Sometimes I'm An Ass(but aren't we all?)

I had to make two different appologies today to two different guys who I had been a bit too hard on this weekend. I don't know... I have a habit of getting pissy when I don't get what I want. The sign of being an only child? Perhaps.

Something.

Oh well.

As it is, it probably meant a lot more to me that I appologized than it did to either of them.

But one way or the other, appologies have been made and the world trudges along.


IN OTHER NEWS:
My parent's are coming to WashU at the end of this month for parent's weekend. Yay! ^_^
They came last year but didn't stay long and thus only saw a little bit of the campus. I really do hope to get to show them around this time.

They're really not gonna like climbing those (what was it, 62?) stairs up to my suite, though.


le sigh
I ought to work on my story for fiction writing.
G'night, all.

What the F*ck, Apple?!

Alright.
Delia's touchpad keeps randomly crapping out on me and I have to shut her down and leave her off for a few minutes or so in order to get it to start working again.

All I can say is WHAT THE F*CK?!

I didn't do anything to her. I didn't mistreat her or drop her or spill anything on her. No; I've been good to her. So what the f*ck? The only thing I can think of is that this started happening after I replaced Delia's recalled battery. But what could that have done to affect the touchpad?? I don't know, but it's as frustrating as hell.

Poor thing; she's not even a year old yet and already she's developed a seemingly chronic problem...

le sigh

Shirt Ninja!

The answer to every problem:
"Dude, wear a ninja mask!!"

Don't have one?? Well go here and find what you seek!

What I Learned Today In Social Psych Class

According to Professor Lambert, who was our guest lecturer for the day in social psych class, there was an experiment in which paid men would go up to random women on a college campus and paid women would go up to random men on said campus and then the paid participant would propose one of the following to the unsuspecting other.

-> Would you like to go on a date with me tonight?
-> Would you like to come over to my apartment tonight?
-> Would you like to have sex with me tonight?

The results of this are as follows:

When Women Were Approached By Men:
Date - 50% said yes
Apartment - 6% said yes
Sex - 0% said yes

When Men Were Approached By Women:
Date - 50%
Apartment - 69%
Sex - 75%

That's right, my friends. Men are, according to this compelling study, more likely to go sleep with a chick after just meeting her than they are to agree to meet up for coffee.

And that's our world, dear ones.

QUICK POST!! AHHH!!!!

Right now and in THIS VERY MOMENT my computer both informs me that it's 50 degrees outside AND insists that today's low is 53.

Wait....

What???

Prance With VigororThat Professor's Voice Just DOESN'T Hold My Attention

Today in film class-
A) My coffee cup commanded me to "Prance with Vigor"
B) The professor uttered the phrase, "Truth lies only within the collective."
C) I made a gummi comic of sorts:

Admit it, it's awesome.

Oh, and while I'm here, I insist that every one of you listen to the cover of Holding Out for a Hero by Frou Frou. It rocks my socks.

And now I have to do back-homework. WOOHOO!!

....

yeah

i love hurd

ho-kay, so,

i LOVE living here.
Even despite the mass amounts of stairs, the lack of space in my room, and the fact that Aarthi's apt to leave the door open when she leaves, I think the common room and balcony completely make up for it.

...excpet maybe the Aarthi leaving the door open thing, considering the fact that I've already been robbed once

but yes

AWESOME

It's kind of apartment-like, and I always loved living in apartments when I was going to elementary school in Houston.



le sigh
i must away

What Irks Me, Vol 1

I've decided to start up a little mini-feature in my blog that will pop up every now and then called, yes you guessed it, What Irks Me

So, on Monday, September 18, 2006, at 3:29 PM, this is what has recently irked me

->People who walk in a line across the sidewalk and don't move over so you can pass them. (This is irksome when going the same direction as the group, as well as when going in the opposite direction. Probably a lot more-so when it's the opposite, because then YOU KNOW THEY SEE YOU, and yet they still don't make way.)
->Frat boys who are way too drunk/high and decide it's ok to grab your ass. (And/or other various parts of your body.)
->The sheer number of people I have to mill through on campus during high-traffic times. (This only mildly irks me and I often ignore it all anyway.)
->Spiteful pushing on a dance floor in retaliation to an accidental push. (I've probably done this one myself at least once, but never hard, and that doesn't mean it can't be irksome to me.)
->Being left unsatisfied. (Ok, so obviously this would irk anyone, but it has been a recent annoyance in a number of situations and so I figured I'd throw it in.)
->People who talk on their cell phone while in a movie theatre. (Or any other place where I'm trying to pay attention to something but all I can focus on is their side of a call that just could not wait.

That's it for now, cause I need a nap.

Be good to each other, huh? And don't be irksome

I Wish I Didn't Have To Sleep

On a related note, walking across the South 40 at 4AM makes it really easy to forget how many people actually live here. It's a little insane.

I love this place so much, though. I'm almost certainly not going home this summer. Ariel and I are supposed to be looking into an apartment (though I'll be in London for 5 weeks). But you know... with this thing with my mom, it kinda makes me want to go home. You know, spend time with her while I can. It's a very disconcerting situation (obviously).

So yeah... sleep. I really need to stop doing this to myself.

Until next time, all.

noted

evidently my solution to feeling sucky about my most recent relationship bad-ness (said what I said) is to flirt with every unattached guy who seems relatively flirt-worthy

woohoo??

i don't know. as it stands, there's not a real ton of guys that I find flirt-worthy anyway

well, we'll see how this turns out


until next time, all

bruise

it's not the best pic, but it's fucking late


In other news, I'm acting in Day O' Shame this year. The shows are performed 24 hours after the writers first start writing. They started 10pm last night and the performance is 10pm tonight (yes, Saturday night). All of you who can should come see the show!! It's in the village theatre; just go down the stairs in Village House. Hard to miss.

woohoo!

blood loss

I give blood regularly. I just do. It's never entirely pleasant, but I keep coming back for more. What can I say? Willfull blood loss. Rock on.

Something.

Anyway, today they fucked all the hell up. The needle was in my vein in a bad way or something and it was taking a kinda long time and when they finally got the bag filled and moved on to the vials (for tests so they can know if my blood's safe to use), it just wasn't working. Well, as near as I can tell, they were trying to reposition the needle in my vein, cue sharp pain in my arm, my breath catches, I look over, needle's been pulled out, lots of blood (including on the shirt I was wearing). I think they might have pierced through the other side of the vein or some such. And after all that, they had to stick me in the other arm (which went off without a hitch) to get blood for the vials.

Here's a pic of what it looks like right now, about 5 to 6 hours after giving blood.

And just think what it'll look like once the bruises have time to develop. Nice...

Course, I know this won't stop me from donating again. Like I said, it's what I do. I really like to give of myself, you might say. I suppose even past the point of pain.

In other news, I dropped my Costume Design and History class and am now only taking 13 credits. But that's ok; I have some summer credits under my belt and I aldreay know I'm doing the London program this coming summer which includes (i think??) 6 credits worth of class.

And I'm beat. I'll to sleep now.

best facebook group ever

soooooo this is quite obviously one of the best FB groups ever. it's actually one of the first ones I joined... I think....

but anyway, check this out

Group Info

Name: I Haven't Developed Superpowers Yet But I Haven't Stopped Trying Either

Type: Common Interest - Beauty

Description: Have you ever tried to make a thunderstorm appear through sheer force of will? Do you regularly jump off tall things just in case you suddenly gained the power of flight and didn't notice? When you drop something, do you refuse to pick it up before trying to lift it with your latent psychic abilities for a good five minutes or more? If so, welcome! This group is for all of us who can feel supernatural powers coursing through our veins, but haven't quite got the knack of it yet.

yeah... that's it

my gay prom date is all growed up

So one of my very best friends in high school was a one Andrew Brett. We even went to senior prom together.

Now, as I have homework to do and have only slept about 5 hours in the past 48, I will make this short.

Basically, this is him then, at 18, in Conroe, Texas:


And this is him now, at 19, in Los Angeles, California:


So there you go.
Oh, and check this out!!

Way to go, Andrew, luv. Rock on.

Motion City Soundtrack

I've been listening to nothing but Motion City Soundtrack for the last week or week and a half. iloveit.

Here's a couple of the songs that like to stick in my head these days.

Title: Resolution
Artist: Motion City Soundtrack
Album: Commit This To Memory

I like the universe, but she messes with my words
I'm not talking planets or galaxies and the distance just makes it worse.
I know what you're thinking, this probably sounds rehearsed.

So let's give it up for the New Year
Did this party of two have you slightly confused?
Now that our things are divided
She refuses to speak and I'm driftin' to sleep at the wheel.

Liquids, powders and pills, not quite taken against my will.
The tastes tests of girls, from all over the world
who refuse to accept my excuses.
She put up with so much, of my madness and my self-abuse
She would tend to my wounds and fill me with food when I'd stumble in drunk for breakfast,
She was right to take off before she was consumed

So let's give it up for the New Year
Did this party of two have you slightly confused?
Now that our things are divided
She refuses to speak and I'm driftin' to sleep at the wheel.

[instrumental]

So let's give it up for the New Year
Did this party of two have you slightly confused?
Now that our things are divided
She refuses to speak and I'm driftin' to sleep at the wheel.

So let's give it up for the New Year
Did this party of two have you slightly confused?
Now that our things are divided
She refuses to speak and I'm driftin' to sleep at the wheel.

I like the universe, but she messes with my words
I'm not talking planets or galaxies and the distance just makes it worse.

...you're totally right, every action was well rehearsed.

Title: When "You're" Around (Acoustic)
Artist: Motion City Soundtrack
Album: Split: Matchbook Romance / Motion City Soundtrack - EP

Midwest love affair
I bend when I am bored
Late night liquor blue
Will lead me to the floor.
Can we fake it?
Can we make believe?
I'm so full of love
It deeply sickens me.

But all I could do was close my eyes
And cross my arms and hope to die
Cause you don't fucking listen
When I'm around.
The least you could do is take it back
All the vicious remarks and verbal attacks
Cause I can't fucking stand it.
When You're Around.

Midwest aftermath, the rumors start to rise
Did I truly do the things that you've described?
They must hate me, every single one
It just sickens them, what I consider fun.

But all I could do was close my eyes
And cross my arms and hope to die
Cause you don't fucking listen
When I'm around.
The least you could do is take it back
All the vicious remarks and verbal attacks,
Cause I can't fucking stand it.
When You're Around.

But all I could do was close my eyes
And cross my arms and hope to die
Cause you don't fucking listen
When I'm around.
The least you could do is take it back
All the vicious remarks and verbal attacks
Cause I can't fucking stand it.
When You're Around.

No I can't fucking stand it, when you're around. (x2)

Title: Modern Chemistry
Artist: Motion City Soundtrack
Album: I Am The Movie

I believe in medication
And I believe in therapy
And I believe in crystal light
'Cause I believe in me, yeah
It's so uplifting
Fuck, yeah

I barely have the motivation
They say I suffer from a lack of seratonin
Synapses they happen too infrequently for me
To be functioning properly
I took the pills I took the advice
The panic stopped
But still I'm not right
Racing thoughts and wasted time
It's the same old story-line
This is my nursery rhyme
And it goes:

I believe in medication
And I believe in therapy
And I believe in crystal light
'Cause I believe in me, yeah
It's so uplifting
Fuck, yeah

I'm barely off the medication
And now the walls are closing in again
I can't breathe and I can't bleed
Will you be my alibi?
Tell them that I truly tried
To give in?

Title: Title: LG Fuad
Artist: Motion City Soundtrack
Album: Commit This To Memory

Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm speaking figuratively, of course..
Like the last time that I committed suicide.. social suicide..
Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside,
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,
I have learned to love the lie.

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.

(In this department)
Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm riding hard on the last lines of every lie,
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,
I'm about to explode.
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.
I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings,
Cause I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds..
And all the things that don't get old..
Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learned to express myself through other peoples' descriptions of life..
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless...

(In this department)
Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time with feeling
we'll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights
That still shock and surprise.
I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being,
maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.

Sister soldier
You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame
If I could ever repay you,
I would, but I'm hard up for cash
And my memory lacks initiative.

God damn the liquor store's closed,
we were so close to scoring
it hurts, it destroys 'til it kills..
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.
(In this department)

news

turns out my mom's chronic lyphatic leukemia has gotten rather worse rather quickly

turns out she's gonna have to start chemo soon

turns out this is far more real than I want to think about right now

disturbing developments

even putting aside the creepy new facebook feature that brings online stalking to a new level of easy, these last few days have not been entirely pleasant

it seems I've been picked on and stolen from. my gamecube, memory card, and all four controllers (one of which I only acquired and paid for a mere 24 hours ago), a cup full of dimes and nickels, and a gold ring my grandmother gave to me have turned up missing since I left for the activities fair just before 4:00 today. the game console and controllers were taken from our suite common room and the change and ring (and perhaps something else I've yet to miss) were taken from my room.

Lucas says that if I can give him any sort of lead he'll do his best to track the guy down and skin him for me. i know he would. he already looked into the possibility that it might be the freshman guy I had invited back to my room when aarthi (my roommate)was gone this past weekend, but the only law that kid's broken is not putting change in a parking meter. it's probably not him. so I've got nothing. see, none of us ever bothered to lock the suite door and to add to it, a number of sketchy looking guys have been known to pass through our common room from time to time to go smoke out on our balcony. so basically I'm screwed for the loss.

the creepy thing is that so far as I know, no one else is missing anything. coincidence? or have I been in some way targeted? if so, the person would have to know me and have a reason to want to harm me (if only mildly). who would do it and why?

i just don't like any of this and I feel a rather violated
hell, I get nervous when people go through my things and I'm in the same room
this person could have gone through all my stuff while I was out
i hate this feeling

Guilty Pleasure of the Day: Online Tests

Buff bad boy You scored 40% masculine, 58% athletic, 45% exotic, and 31% refined!

You like your men with a boyish or feminine face but a manly body. You like him to posess bad boy looks while still maintaining some innocence. He looks like the all-American kind of hunk and I bet you love someone like.......Travis Fimmel. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 12% on masculine You scored higher than 32% on athletic You scored higher than 49% on exotic You scored higher than 10% on refined

Link: The What type of MAN turns you on Test written by thinkandcome on OkCupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

62 Steps to Suite 44

...very balanced title...

Anyway, I have noticed that there is an odd sort of pattern to my housing assignments at WashU thus far.

The summer before my freshman year I lived in Umrath, one floor up. That fall, I was placed in the same rescollege, in Ruby, on the top floor.

This past summer I lived in Eliot, one floor up. This fall, I now find myself in the same rescollege, in Hurd, on the top floor.


Just kind of interesting is all.

But really the point of this post is to complain about the fact that I have to climb 62 steps from the ground floor to my suite. At least it's good exercise, hm?

My Pets. Woohoo!

So... these are on Facebook, but here you go.

My dog, Jake. (Female, btw.)

My favorite cat, Princess.

Second favorite cat, named after my friend, Larkin.

The alpha male, Grey.

The grandmother, Boo.

And some others.





There are more than this on Facebook, for those of you in my network. Check 'em out.


In other news, my PowerBook battery is one of those which Apple is recalling. This sucks. So now I have my battery disconnected from my computer, as per Apple's instructions, and a new battery is in the mail. So at least my dorm hasn't burned down... But until I get my new battery, poor Delia will be bound to her outlet.

Carry on, all.
And do be good to each other.

The Wise Words of William Danforth

As many of my readers surely know, the WashU main campus has recently been renamed Danforth Campus, due, it is almost certain, to the Danforth family padding the WashU pockets. Now we see the name everywhere; it's on informational material, on signs, maps, and on the cover of the Residential Life Handbook we were all given upon moving in.

On said cover, there is a quote from a mister William Danforth, the first part of which reads, "Our most valuable possessions are those which can be shared without lessening; those which when shared multiply."

...

STDs

...

Thank you for your time.

The Academic New Year

This past year's been quite a trip, I must say. Now, as I embark on the adventure that is Sophomore year, I'm looking back to take note of what the past 365 days have taught me.

Woohoo Fun List!!!

>18 credits of unrelated classes is a BAD idea
>The summer school crowd often leaves much to be desired
>ALWAYS USE THE PLANNER (fucked that one up while taking 18 credits. extra bad.)
>Bean bags attract sex
>Everclear punch leads to a quick and happy drunk. Drink with good friends.
>The frats are a drag. Nothing else to it.
>Sticks and stones really do break bones. (Ben Mudd)
>Dying your hair purple WILL stain everything, including the dorm shower and much of your skin. Worth it, though.
>High school students, as a whole, are annoying as hell
>Never print something at the last minute. The printer WILL be out of paper.
>B-level lounge in the library is a GREAT place to nap. Once left my room to nap there before a class.
>It definitely helps if your professor likes you. Definitely.
>Always turn in the optional draft. It's just stupid not to.
>Getting matching tattoos with your mom is actually rather cool
>Cutting off most all of your hair, while a great and bold move, probably should not be done in November in St. Louis.

It's been a good year.
Here's to another.

Alpha Beta

I know I said I wouldn't post until fall semester, but recent developments have lead me to a cafe where I can access wireless and fix a few... online inconsistencies. Stuff changes and some things just don't quite fit as they used to.

Just another hassle to add to the list

Break-ups. Blah. What a fucking downer.

Oh well. It's been a few days now and things are going well.

Just a little update. That's all. I promise I'll work on something more print-worthy for next time I post.

Good day, all.