Text message after text message after text message and I just don't care anymore. Honestly, I don't care what she has to say, I don't care about what guy she's cheating on her husband with, I don't care that she thinks she's fallen in love with that guy, and I almost particularly don't care that she keeps telling me that she loves me, that she misses me, that she misses the days when she and I were a couple.
Well maybe if you hadn't kept leaving me for the next guy that came along to 'steal your heart away'...
She always came back. Always ended up needing me in one way or another. And I was always willing to take her back. Willing to convince myself that I wanted her back. And maybe it was true the first couple times or so... but at some point...
blah
I do feel a little bad, thinking that I've hurt her. But I'd just gotten so fed up with it over this last year and I had to be honest, had to do what I knew I needed to do.
This afternoon (never mind where the conversation began) I told her that I felt we had grown apart, told her I didn't like who she'd become, told her that basically our friendship (or whatever the hell it was) had been dying and I had no interest in saving it. Perhaps it's a bit harsh, but it's true.
It's a big step for me. I felt the slight tug at my heartstrings as she continued to send me messages, telling me she loved me, begging me not to "break her heart and shatter her world," swearing that she could change and make it right. And there it was, the impulse to comfort, my inclination to once more sacrifice a bit of myself for her sake. But I let it be.
I had let go of the idea of her long ago and finally, today, I was able to cut myself loose from her. Now I need only stand my ground.
I hope she finds her way... I just can't keep filling my old role; I don't have it in me to do anymore.
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