.Must. .Survive. .Finals. .Week.

OMG I WANNA GO HOME!!!

So I'm back in Texas from Dec 21 to Jan 13. Woot.
Gonna hang out with John. Rawkus. New Year's is gonna be awwwwesome.

Just need to put the finishing touches on a paper and then study for an exam for the next few days....
*whimper* I'm so done....


On a happy note, however, I got the best compliment from a friend of mine today. He told me ->
"you're sweet, you're kind, you're patient, you're generous. you have a very fun disposition. you know yourself well. you're somewhat introspective, but you like to have fun. you're nothing short of an interesting person."

*yay-face*

^_^ And now I wanna go to bed. Nights!

Time to Register for Classes? What??

Bleh. I'm so frazzled lately.

Went off the Lexapro. That was hell for a couple weeks. Have Xanax now. Fun.

On a happier note, I may have the most perfect schedule EVER next semester. First of all, I'll complete all my psychology major requirements. Plus I'll complete all my artsci requirements. THEN, my earliest class in the week is at 11:30, my Mondays don't start till 1pm, and my Fridays are over at 1pm. SOOOOO perfect.

So hopefully next semester I'll be taking:
The Science of Sleep
Introduction to the Psychology of Aging
Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Identity Development
Theatre Culture Studies Seminar
and
Poetry Writing

WOO!

Soooo yeah. I'm gonna be in town (St. Louis) for Thanksgiving. Come chill if ur around.

PEACE!

Thanksgiving

This is really random, yes, but I'd just like to take a moment to point out that Thanksgiving is, in fact, a religious holiday. Who do yo uthink you're giving thanks to? Or supposed to be giving thanks to, at least. Thank you for the bountiful harvest, for family and friends, etc. You're not thanking your next doot neighbor there you know.

Anyway.

I just think it's interesting, casue no one I know of has ever gotten upset about Thanksgiving. But plenty of people object to Christmas. Ok. Yes, yes, CHRISTmas is more directly religious. Sure. But I think you get what I'm saying.



Ok, I'm out.

A Not-So-Bright New Day or bright yellow/orange pee

I don't even know where to begin here. It's been a while since i last posted. Hmmmm, let's see....

Broke up with Patrick

Started dating Adam Wright

Working in a lab as an undergradute assistant


Annnnnnnnd..... beginning to hate academia. Ok... not hate it, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the stress and lack of sleep and vastly large amounts of reading assignments that can be so dense that after spending hours reading, I sometimes find I've learned NOTHING. This is very much how I felt my junior year of high school. Except now everyhting is that much harder.

As I see the sun beginning to peak out, dawning a new day of stress and a Psych of Learning exam, all I want to do is block it out and sleep for about three days.


To add to the academic trials before me, I've recently developed a very bad urinary tract infection that had started to spread to my kidneys. Oh yay.... I'm on antibiotics now, and should be 100% free of it in a week, but for now my kidneys still kinda hurt, and I have to stay away from caffeine. The horrible thing about that is that I've been relying VERY hevily on caffeine to keep me going lately, and now I'm tired and headachy from the withdrawals. Fortunately, so far as related UTI pains, they gave me something that helps with the dysuria (and also turns my pee a very odd and bright yellowish orange.


Anyway, I decided to start posting again since Cecily said she missed reading my blog. This one's for you, Cecily. ^_^ *Love*

very weird dream

Alright, lets see if I can run through the highlights here.

Well, first I was evidently engaged to marry this chick. She was pretty. Long straight brown hair. And I really loved her in the dream.

And then somewhere along the way in the dream her gender changed. Which I only noticed in thinking about the dream later.

So then it's a guy. Still love him. Short, curly brown hair. And he's some sort of pool (like the game) instructor. My instructor. Or, at least the instructor of a class I was in.

Near the end of one class he lets me and a couple others go early because we have a dance competition to go to. And on my way out the door he kisses me hard as the rest of the class gapes on. Looks like the secret's out.

Oh, and did I mention I'm not engaged to him like I was to the girl?

So I go to some sort of lockerroom and get dressed for the competition, except that I've forgotten something back at the instructor guy's house that I left last time I was there, so I run over there cause evidently it's important. I still have no idea what I was going there for.

And while there his WIFE comes back into town. Hmm.... downer. And she evidently knows about me and tells me that I was just a fling and that if I thought he was actually going to keep me, then I was a fool. But she lets me in to get my missing item.

I go into his room where my mystery missing item is and what do you know, he's in the shower. So I pretend to be searching for the item for a while until I hear the water turn off and I knock on the door.

When he steps out he's unsurprised to see me. Unashamed to know that I've just met his wife. And then somehow we end up on the bed and then the dream gets a little more than PG13 while the wife is in the next room.

And that's the end.



You know, I'm actually now wondering if I was the guy in the first part and the girl was the wife that I later meet. It's possible. She did look similar except with shorter hair. There could be lapsed time. But I'm trying to impose logic on a dream. And that's kinda silly. ^_^

Crazy Anxious

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I understand why I was so anxious last month while I was in London. But now I'm home and it's really no better. Ok, ok, so I haven't been taking my medicine quite as regularly as I should since I've been home, so I guess that'll have something to do with it.... But I just expected things to be better.

Alright -> Initiate personal ranting ->


Patrick is pretty much MIA since he does work two jobs and that just seems to be the way things are. This would, perhaps, be ok if he could manage to call me now and then, but.... *bitter*
It's likely to get better. It's in the works.


Kenzie's out of town again and I miss her.


Our wireless is a pain in the ass these days.


I don't get to see my parents until October, which will be 9 months since the last time I saw them.


I miss Brendan, for obvious reasons.


And I haven't been sleeping well these last couple of nights.




Blah. And I'm done.

...must needs cuddles...

I'm not dead; I just spent a month in London.

And those of you on Facebook would know this by the over 200 photos I uploaded while I was there. (And I didn't even take pictures for the last week and a half of the trip!)

Basically, I'm just really happy to be home again, so that I can see the people around me whom I love, sleep in my wonderful full size bed, and have CONSTANT internet. Woot.

I was a bit sad to leave, tho. I'm always a little sad when I leave someplace.

That's all I've got for now. I'm off to play online games!

8 days till londonandthe patrick

first of all.....

LEAVING FOR LONDON IN 8 DAYS LEAVING FOR LONDON IN 8 DAYS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

It's scary. I'll arrive in a country I've never been to and have to follow written directions involving public transportation to my destination.... alone.

I don't much like traveling alone when I'm in an unfamiliar place. But at least it's an English speaking country, right?



secondly, the patrick

I miss him.

He's taking steps right now to get his life into better working order. Which is terrific and I'm so happy that he seems to be headed in the right diretion. But the sucky part is that this means that he has less time for other things.... Like me. I know he needs this time. But I miss him now that he's so busy. And I worry about him sometimes.

I guess I sometimes think that if we don't spend much time together that he'll lose interest. Like.... I'm keeping up some sort of act and I don't want to lose my audience. (the fact that I will soon be out of the country for a whole month doesn't help this any.) But I know that doesn't make sense. We have a good time together and I know that he wants me in his life. And it's not like I'm lacking for companions otherwise.

I just wish things were better for him so that things could be better for the both of us.



And now my self-indulgent rambling is done for the day.
Thanks!

must needs cuddles

I'm tired, a little out of it, and stressed (some interpersonal issues).

I'm not entirely sure why, but I felt compelled to post something, so here I am.

I guess, one, I don't like people telling me what to do when I haven't asked them for guidance. It's an intersting stab at my pride that never fails to make me turn stubborn. (There's a great comment I could make here but I'll refrain.)

Two, lack of communication is one thing I really can't handle for very long if there's something I feel needs to be said. (Yes, yes, yes, I know, I'm such a woman...)

Three, MUST NEEDS CUDDLES.

Now I go to bed. G'night moon.

Breakfast

As I sit here eating my breakfast of half off-brand Rice Crispies and half off-brand Lucky Charms (at almost 4:30 in the afternoon), I come to realize something genious.


They really should put little marshmallow things in Rice Crispies.

Really, tho, they're nothing like marshmallows, right? Other than the fact that they are entirely comprised of sugar...

Huh.

Well, my cereal's getting soggy. Later!

Robin Williams - Fukitol

LOVE this one.

More

Robin Williams on Winter Sports and Canada

I love you, Robin Williams.

BZDEAL

do you ever lie in Bed and desire to fashion yourself a perfect friend out of the air around you?

who will cuddle with you? make you laugh? Zap the tinges of shadow that hide at the corners of your eyelids?

if only it were so easy to call such a force to light Darkness

golden hearted sunshine, an Entire pocket full of rose-tinted glasses

A salve for wounds the world hath given

perfect Love

Honesty Box

As most of the people who are likely to read this already know, Facebook has a fuck ton of new optional applications that were created by users. One of the ones I have recently added is the Honesty Box. Basically, any one of your friends can type a completely anonymous comment in a box on your profile that only you can read.

I think it's an interesting idea.

Anyhow, I got the best compliment in my Honesty Box last night.
It said "You are very real. And that's very rare."

Huge compliment.


I smile and go get breakfast now. Yay.
Latorz.

the beautiful things

there are moments when you just become paralyzingly aware of the beautiful things in life

it's when you take your lover by the hand and your eyes smile at each other
when you finally become secure in the idea that life will never throw you more than you can handle
when you laugh for little more reason than the fact that you're drunk with the hilarity of good friends
when the dew glistens across a grassy field lit by the golden dawn of a new day
when, on any day of the week, ten million things could have gone wrong and nothing did

these are the things that we need to hold on to


until next time, all

blrg

I think I may have developed some sort of outdoor allergy. I've been sneezing a lot lately whenever I go out and my nose is runny for the longest time after I go in and just blah.

So that's downright appetizing.

I just had a really weird experience online.
I was playing the new flower game on Facebook and this one guy and I slowly start talking and by the time we're done playing we've exchaned SNs and started chatting through AIM.

Now don't get confused. I'm not going romantic here. And def not sex. This guy is just legitimatey friend material; 100%. So weird to "meet" someone that way and really think you'd like to hang out and be friends.


Man, I'm out.
Till next time.

Oh, I Forgot to Mention...

My dog recently died....

Rest in peace, honey.

Patrick

Alright, so, the new boy. I met him at a party at the end of last April. He looked like this:


Something like a month later we meet up for dinner, and it begins.
I didn't think I'd like him all that much, but I just felt so comfortable with him and he was so very sweet to me.
We began to talk more and spend more time together and, what do you know, it went well.
So yay.

Now here's some more pictures!!




He took me to six flags. It was good times.

And speaking of times, until next time.

The Awesome

I love my life so much right now.

I've got a great apartment in a great location. I've got an awesome roomate with the cutest cat. I'm making good grades. I'm going to spend this July in London, including a performance on the Globe Theatre stage. My family is proud of me. My friends love me. My lovers, too.

My life... is as perfect as it could ever be.




And so I'm kind of wondering what's gonna come along and fuck it all up........
(Lord forbid, of course)


Until next time, all.

twitter

have a new boy

things are looking good

more info to come, methinks

TURTLE SEX!!!

In order to escape the craziness that was our apartment today, the residents of Chez Awesome ventured to the place where dreams coem true. Well... that is, if you dream about tons of animals all in one place to be stared at while they eat their rations. That's right, the St Louis Zoo.

It was the usual. Tons of kids at every turn, reminding us of how much we really don't want children. Animals sleeping. Animals eating. But, more importantly, animals having sex.

Tho I've visited the zoo many times since starting school at WashU, never had I witnessed animals actually getting it onfor all to see. Little did I know that one very persistant turtle would change all that.

All I can remember is the harsh grunt and the screech of shell against shell as the guy worked away. We were mesmerized. Could not look away. (Neither could the little girl next to us, who's father was taking a video of the event)

It was.... odd. But all I can say is you go, Turtle man, you go.

Flying Squirrel Attacks Gay Man on Pink Mini Scooter

Oh what to say, what to say.

Moved into an apartment close to campus.
Got a new tatoo (picture to come).
Finished my Sophomore year.
I'm going to study abroad in London this July.

Guess those are the big ones. But anyway... detailed accounts of my awesome adventures are likely to come in the furture. Just wanted to say that I'm still here and that I plan on picking the blog up again.


So.... to sum it up, Aarthi

-->

Awesome Song by Switchfoot

Faust, Midas, And Myself

This one's about a dream
I had last night
How an old man tracked me home
And stepped inside
He put his foot inside the door
And gave a crooked smile
Something in his eyes
Something in his laugh
Something in his voice
That made my skin crawl off

He said, "I've seen you here before
I know your name.
You could have your pick
Of pretty things.
You could have it all
Everything at once.
Everything you've seen,
Everything you'll need,
Everything you've ever had in fantasies."

"You've one life,
You've one life.
You've one life left to lead."

I woke up from my dream
As a golden man
With a girl I've never seen
With golden skin
I jumped up to my feet
She asked me what was wrong
I began to scream
I don't think this is me
Is this just a dream
Or really happening?

What direction?
What direction?
I'm splitting up!
I'm splitting up!
This is my personal disaffection

What direction? What direction?
What direction now?

I looked outside the glass
At golden shores
Golden ships and masts
With golden cords
As my reflection passed
I hated what I saw
My golden eyes were dead
And a thought passed through my head
A heart that is made of gold can't really beat at all

I wanted to wake up again
Without a touch of gold

What direction?
Death or action!
Life begins at the intersection.

I woke up as before
But the gold was gone
My wife was at the door
With her night robe on
My heart beat once or twice
And life flooded my veins
Everything had changed
My lungs had found their voice
And what was once routine
And what was once routine was now the perfect joy

You've one life
You've one life
One life left to lead

So, Just to Throw This Out There...

I am not monogamous. Most of my friends know this. If you did not know this, well then here it is.
So, with that out of the way...

How, in the space of one month, did I go from being involved with one person to being involved with four (maybe 5.... it's a little uncertain right now)? I mean, it's great. It can get complicated... but it's great. Really.

I guess I'm just concerned slightly with the sort of wrap people tend to get when they openly date more than one person. At least I'm open about it, right? Right.

Eh. Whatever.

In other news, the upcoming ALA meeting should frickin' rock like nothing else. If you ever make it to a single meeting, make it to this one. I believe edge play and flogging are on the agenda. *happy dance*

One other thing.... LOOK AT THESE FRICKIN' AWESOME PICTURES OF THE MAKE-UP I DID FOR A PLAY I WAS IN THIS PAST WEEKEND!!!!!




Rock on, all.

Brendan

This is Brendan in the background here. If you don't really know me and/or know about Brendan, this will mean nothing to you, but the mise-en-scene of this photo says a WHOLE lot about the relationship we have.

And that's pretty much it.
Bye now!

My 20th Birthday

That's right, you guys. As of yesterday, I am no longer a teenager.

I started the day at Kurt's apartment after spending the night, but could not stay with him long. There were things to be done, and little did I know just how many things there were going to be.

Kenzie picked me up from Webster Groves and we headed out to the mall where we trolled, as has become our style. After that, it was to PF Chang's, where we staked out places at the bar, flirted with a cute bartender we'd met the last time we were there, and convinced the staff that it was my 22nd birthday (rather than my 20th). As it stood, we got 5 free drinks between us and a free dessert. From there, it was back to Kenzie's so she could change, and then to my party at my place (which I ended up being an hour late to).

So, the good:
A fair number of people showed up and seemed to have a good time.
Adam was there.
Adam wore a dress.
Kurt was there.
I got to kiss Kenzie (for the third or fourth time that night).
And I got to make out with Ariel for while (for the first time ever). See, look, photographic evidence! ->



And, the bad:
Tho I'm not comfortable saying how, I ended up hurting Kurt's feelings. (Which I really hate.) And no, it does not have anything to do with kissing Kenzie or Ariel.


The good outweighs the bad in quantity, but in quality, it's feeling the opposite...

Le sigh.


Until next time, all, remember always to live, love, and laugh fully.

Kurt

Kurt. The newest person in my life. ^_^
We met through Kenzie (the soon-to-be-roommate) and after, as he puts it, he convinced me to like him, we hit it off pretty well.
I just really really enjoy spending time with him.
Yay. ^_^

I realize the last time I mentioned a guy of romantic interest on the blog (last April??) I was very giddy about it and whatnot. I think, though, that that came from feeling so insecure about how that guy felt about me. It was kind of exciting in a way, but always left me worried. In this case, I just feel really comfortable. It's a lot less tiring, I'll tell you that.

I sigh contentedly and leave it at that.

Carry on my dear friends.
Live. Love. Be. Believe.

I Should Start Real Posts Again....oh well, maybe later

1- I love how studying for a test has become simply doing all the reading and/or problem sets I've been putting off

2- I'm glad civil disobedience is over

3- Got put in the alternate pool for RA

4- Decided to move off campus and live with Kenzie starting this summer and through the next school year

5- I love it when professors like me when I'm not even trying that hard in their class (yes, I admit it happens)

6- Got a part in this year's Thyrsus site-specific play

7- SAFFRON!!!!!

8- Staying in St. Louis for Spring Break. (Mom keeps telling people I'm never coming home...)



That's pretty much it.

Kitten Doom

Oh, I love this so much.

Cats meet Invader Zim. PERFECTION!!

Bugs Bunny War Bond Drive WW2 Cartoon

That's just somethin' else, eh doc?

Cotton Eye Joe

beatboxing flute, super mario brothers

Thinking of you, dad. ^_^

One Of The Best Shopping Lists Ever

This evening I walked through the snow, to Walgreens, with Ariel so that she could get Valentine's chocolates and I could get the following:

-> One Box Trojan Ultra Thins
-> Two Pairs Fuzzy Striped Socks


I've hardly ever been happier with a single shopping trip.
It has made my day. ^_^

Look, socks!!



Ps, it's snowy here.



Pps, I LOVE MY STUPID DOES-NOTHING PHOTO EDITOR!!!


And that is all.

I Heart Gir

I'm gonna sing the doom song now!!

SELF INDULGENCE

Ok... so I'm just weird... and self indulgent
But so I was looking at some of my older FB pictures and I'm interested by the changes over time
Share in the experience, my dear friends, and look along


Feb/Mar (ish) 2004


April 2005


January 2006


November 2006


February 2007

It's especially weird to look at the first and last one next to each other. Trippy.

Well, goodnight, all.

R.A.

Soooooo, I actually haven't mentioned this on the blog, but I'm looking to become an RA for next Fall. Just got done with my interview, in fact. It seemed to go well, I think, but I suppose I'll know on the 28th, when I go to ResLife and pick up my letter. They will either say I've been hired, put on a reserve list, or that they are not interested in me at all as an RA. I really want to do this. It'll mean a lot of changes, sure, but I'm up for it.

On a totally different note, I cut my hair over winter break, pictured below. (yes, once again I cut off most of my hair during a time when it's really cold. i know i know. sh!) And I moved into a single room, also pictured below.

Woohoo! Looky!




And I'm done.

Student Health = Cash Pit

Ok, so maybe not so much. Especially since it's kind of possible that Student Health may have saved my life recently.

The point is, I'm spending frickin tons of money there lately. As it stands, I currently have three upcoming appointments there. One for follow-up from my surgery (which seemed to go well, btw). Another for some sort of check-up to get my next birth control prescription. And yet another to meet with the university dietitian (cause even though I'm about 50 pounds lighter than I was three years ago, my weight is still a potential future problem).

Ok. Can I just take one second to say how much that annoys me?? It's no walk in the park to loose fifty pounds and pretty much maintain that. But that doesn't even matter. When people look at me, all they see is another fat chick who obviously overeats and never gets of her ass enough. It's such a trip, cause every time I go home and see people who knew me in high school, they all compliment me on how good I look and on how much weight I lost, etc etc. But then I get back to school where everyone only knows me as I am at my current weight, and it's totally gone and I'm just the fat kid again.

Alright, alright, I never feel like just the fat kid. My sense of self is way better than that. But you understand what I'm getting at.

Oy. But I made the appointment, and it should do me some good (which is all that matters).

But yes, to add to all that, I'm still playing with the idea of going in for a counseling appointment. Cause let's face it, I have some issues. And hey, the first however many are free, so that's good.

Hopefully all of this is doing me good, and I believe that it is.



Oh, and here's my hospital bracelet. ('Cause I'm weird and keep such things.)




Well... I don't know where to go with that, except that I should do productive things now....
Wheeeeeeeee!!!

Aw, I Miss My Cat

Ariel just sent me this web comic.

Stick a Toothpick in Them Already

When I walk out into my common room at 1:45AM on a Sunday night and the first thing I notice is the distinctly strong smell of what the guys down the hall are smoking (for, indeed, I followed the scent as it grew ever stronger down the hall and to a closed door from which moderately-volumed music seemed to emanate) I have only two thoughts. 1, who the hell smokes that much on a Sunday night? 2, how is it that none of these people ever seem to get caught?

Thus goes it.

And now I will nap. SOOOOOO tired. Bye now.

Cut It Out

February 2nd, I'll arrive at Missouri Baptist hospital at 5:30am and check in on the second floor of the main building for my 7:30am surgery.

LEEP - Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure

LEEP uses a thin wire loop electrode which is attached to an electrosurgical generator. The generator transmits an electrical current that quickly cuts away the affected cervical tissue in the immediate area of the loop wire. This causes the abnormal cells to rapidly heat and burst, and separates the tissue as the loop wire moves through the cervix.

It's this or risk developing cervical cancer. Yeah... as if that's a choice.

Emergency Pants

If you've read my FB profile, you understand.

frequency modulation

Don't pay attention to the title. It's just the term currently stuck in my head. I think I liked it better when I had "plenary remission" stuck in my head, tho.

I don't really have time to post. The ball that is the show I'm stage managing is starting to roll and if I'm not well balanced, it might roll right over me.

Just wanted to put something out there.

Hm... my mom might be starting chemo soon. Oy. All prayers and/or vibes of good will are welcome.

Good luck in this new year, all.